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i really miss kiko and janie!! ha its been 3 dayyyysss hahha

man.. those girls are so much fun.. i never thought i'd have close close close friends that i'm 10000000% trusting of... Their more than my family.. ha we have fart and burp wars, and janie and i alllwaaaayyyys pee our pants... hahaha very bad, very fun!!! i dont know how it happens.. it's always me first then i do my "after i pissed myself dance" to the floor and laugh at janie until she pees!! hahah yup.. =) god i love college life!!!

i'm mastering my Diablo II LOD expansion pack.... DOMINATING!!!!!!!!!

dont f' with the amandinator!!

on a more kiss kiss note, I'm really into susanna... really into her.. i dont know.. were at the flirting thing.. i wont push for more.. i like her too much.. but i do like her.. alot?

the girl from my class wrote me, told me that she doesnt have internet so she cant wrote me, but that she's been thinking of me alot, and cant waite for those two weeks of me when school starts up again...... huh.. ??

susanna is on my mind.. geod, i think she's beautiful. and i know inside she's so much more!

i feel like concurring something.. perhaps a little LOD.. humm humm?? anybody a fan?? anyone?? Kiko knows.. thats good enough for me (p.s. a secret.. kiko is into me.. WHHHHATTTT straight girl kiko.. i thought it was my imagination.. but then little janie quetioned me... thehhhehhehhethen.. kiko totally ripped off her clothes in front of me and told me to dress her up all sultry and sexy.... while i was laying on her bed????????????? somethings going on man.. i kissed her once because she wanted to know what it was like... this is too much not little kiko!!)

anyways.. i miss my friends.. i miss the feeling of being inspired to do art non stop.. i miss money and i miss the park.. i shall take susanna out to the drive in movies... she'd like that.. and i can already feel my heart thumping thinking of it..


who else is fun here.. i feel confident and i want more friends like mine now!

i feel fat, and it pisses me off.. i'm narsasitic to a point and it drives me crazy.. I want to be bulimic.. and the more i try at it the less its doing.. i need to tan. i know it sounds really lame, but i feel better about myself after i tan.. i think if i can get myself down to the weight i want in rappid form.. it'll be easier to keep it lowered. I want more tattoos.. the lines on mine arnt straight and the color decided to fade about 19873410984097 shades lighter.. i hate food.. and i hate that i love it.. and i hate my fucking skin... this comming from a skin care consultent. things better work out. I'm not going to my family christmas party looking like this. I'm sick of me.. i'm switching colleges, changing my last name back to my family name, and getting a better job.. why should i stay the same... i havent done yoga for... well the last time i wrote about it in here. i'm falling apart, i really need a 24/ 7 yoga instructor by side.

on the good news my car is fixed and i got to work out today.

bad news.. i feel like i'm a million days away from my goal.

i'm bored with life. and my stomach aches tonight =/ i think i'm sick.. i feel sick. i'm clammy. shakey. and have a matalic taste in my mouth...also, my head hurts like a mo fo. that might explain my horrible mood..

i miss bryan.. i miss him and i'm excited becuase tomorrow i get to see him!!

my day will consist of

************1) morning mass
2) morning yoga

3) bryan and dikota <3<3
4) bryan and dikota
5) bryan and dikota
6) bryan and dikota

7) call my teacher for an extention on my class this term
8) e-mail my other teacher
9) Homework =(
10) clean room
************11) homework.... ::sighs:: sleepppppp




im excited.. tomorrow will be a good day.. i miss my babies!!! he's so protectev over me and his friend wants me.. mwaahhhh haha =) he's so sweet.. i cant waite to give him a big hug!

... good news.. ive lost 8 lbs in a week and a half.. bad news..

everything in my life feels bad..

Am i wrong.. i miss you, am i wrong?

words i wish i could speak without a constant fear.. god i wish you were here.. i miss the voice of someone sweet sending me to peaceful dreams, now even in the silene all i here are your screams. i love you i love you i love you i do.. please dont die yet, because i'm dying with you.

shit i know.. but its all i can say without saying enough at all..
it's too much and it's to little.. thats my broblem now.. my chest is tight and my breaths are too much and then too little.. i think i may die of heart death. i miss my brother. i miss my dog.

i went to corvallis.. which i totally got lost going to, and saw my brother.. it was alot of fun

i met his new room mate alex and his girlfriend lindsay, and some other guy i didnt know that looks like moby.. ha
then there was the usual old la salle gang.. haha khersaun was there and laughing at how different i was older =) nate and him got a laugh at how i've grown.. then khersaun and i fell alseep in brians room.. it was soooo neat.
he put the suround sound system on each corner of the bed and the tv at our feet with those trippy screen moving things... i've never had an experiance that intence.. it was like a 5/6 hour mind orgams. i love it.

i cant wait until i have my own appartment..

gah.. my insurance came to $388.94 or 97?? too much money.. =/ at least for someone with no job abd 100 dollars in the bank.. i have to pick up an old paycheck from flash.. if it doesnt break at LEAST 270.. imn screwed.. badddd


gah.. too much to think about.. and such small weekend get aways. =/

my baby puppy (brians and my puppy) is getting fat. and brian keeps on feeding him beer and pizza.......







he needs to shape up his actions.

You Are Surrealism

Dreamy and idealistic, you've created a world that is all your own. It's very likely that you've either dabbled in drugs or are naturally trippy. You are always trying to push beyond the boundaries of your culture and society. You believe that art, love, and freedom can change the world.

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people. You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

im sending you a message be cause both my aunt and mom have my myspace and view and inspect it all the time now... =/

my mom hates me.. she doent even think that she can accept me for who i am.. and it hurtd.. it hurts so bad and theres not a god damn thing i can do about it.. my mom hates me for everything i am that she shuts off everything i do or everyone who helps me make it through.. anything..

it hurts, and im sufficating.. im writing you this.. but i think im going to also put it in my l.j. ... i just know that you feel this.. i know that if you saw my unshifting eyes and calm voice.. you'd be able to see how much i hate this and hate so much more for this.. how much i want to run.. and how bad i need to be freed.. just like you.. from whatever it is that causes you this pain.. i am sorry..

no one should feel this way